The Emancipation of Bella!

Pur-Dah: The practice among women of veiling. (Google Dictionary)

So What???

Recently, during a holiday in Marrakesh, I was inspired to write about this somewhat controversial topic. But my views on it are atypical, and I hope that through my experience, I can shed some light into the murky and misunderstood waters of why women in certain parts of the world journey into the decision to cover themselves as this is a journey which I have also travailed over many years. It speaks of my own journey to Purdah! It is important for you, in order to understand the origins of my thoughts, that you go back and read the blog that came before this one titled ‘Cover Me-In Front of You: Part I’.

Khimār, Shaylah, Khumūr, Jilbaab, Niqab, Burqa………….Purdah

“O Prophet, tell your wives and daughters and the believing women that they should cast their outer garments over their bodies (when abroad) so that they should be known and not molested” Surah 33: 59

“Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty…… And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands’ fathers, or their sons or their husbands’ sons, or their brothers or their brothers’ sons or sisters’ sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male attendants who lack vigour, or children who know naught of women’s nakedness. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn unto Allah together, O believers, in order that ye may succeed…..” Surah 24:30-31

The word in Arabic used in the place of draw is يُدۡنِينَ meaning literally to pull down. At the time this was written, women (except for slave women as a public humiliation) already covered their heads. Therefore the logical explanation drawn by many men and women alike was that a further pulling down from the scarf was required. This then became the basis for the Niqab and Burqa (face coverings worn by women in the Islamic world) in addition to additional clothes (Khimār, Shaylah, Khumūr and Jilbaab) intended to increase cover and maintain modesty.

She took a veil and concealed herself with it – Gen 24:65

Whilst I was on holiday, many educated men hailed me as the most beautiful woman they’d ever clapped their eyes on. 5’7”, brown eyes, smile like the summer dawn, skin fair like fresh butter, hair like black silk-I heard it all! I was told repeatedly that I was beautiful. However what I found the most intriguing was not the admiration, but rather that with every compliment, came an offer to cover me up with a scarf. They stressed this was only an offer, but explained why they were offering me this cover. The cover was meant in increasing measures for women considered increasingly attractive as a result of the beauty of their body, mind and heart. It served as a deterrent so others would not see, not lust and not be given a chance even to look in order to understand in their minds in a way that defiles after what they saw. I didn’t object but on the contrary, it made me very happy. This (pardon the lack of make-up and totally convincing look) was the finished product, me post-hijab!

Behind The Veil

I guess what comes next might surprise some people, but I felt entirely safe with my hijab on. I felt comfortable, free to express myself more, worry free of being an object of an uneducated man’s lustful desires, in full view but hidden, somehow even more attractive, covered up. In those moments I felt closer to God, under a covering that only made me appreciate the beauty of my soul even more. When night came and it was time to take it off, I was as reluctant to do that as I was to sleep without processing the thoughts on my first day wearing a covering. Through tired eyes I read about the veil in the bible. The veil Rebecca wore in order to withhold some of her modesty from her future husband, the veil Moses wore to hide the glory resulting from his encounter with God from the people, the veil that covered the arc of the covenant, the veil in front of which the priests brought their offerings and people their sacrifices to honour God, the veil that was said by the Psalmist that God Himself used to cover His eyes from people, the veil that ensured Solomon looked correctly into the eyes to discern the soul of his beloved, the veil his love representing God’s love for His bride burned through to see the splendour of the rest of her body, the veil in which God conceals His word, the veil no one can hide behind to escape from wrath, the veil used in the temple to separate altar from the sanctuary and then again to separate the altar from the holy of holies, the veil within which one had to approach only on invitation by God Himself, lest He die. I thought of everything that made me beautiful and then I had a thought, just before closing my eyes that perhaps external beauty as portrayed by the west is the biggest deception, an aphrodisiac leading to dreams that coerce you into a parallel world, a false reality! And then the penny dropped…… I cover up for God, because of people!

Because of You!

In our western world most men have the privilege of being educated, some more than others. The least educated of them (and by that I don’t just mean academic education), tend to do things that give into their animalistic nature, like howl and growl at women walking down the street. They are led by their sexual urges, the same urges that the educated men have, but suppress to keep the honour of the woman to whom those urges are directed in the understanding that her wholeness is more important than his most basic instinct. Rapists are uneducated men, unlearned in the ways to acquire a wife (even if temporarily) whilst preserving her dignity and esteem, not knowing, they take those things away and in the process end up with a prisoner. This happens in all parts of the world, but such behaviours are a perpetrated by a relative minority of men in the UK where we live.

Now if we consider the country I holidayed in, where the literacy rate is 51% for males; then you can consider a reason (but by far not the only one) why some women may have made the conscious choice over years to cover up in a way far above and beyond that recommended and practiced across centuries within conservative Arabian culture and lifestyle. Pretty or not, when I am dressed up for a night out in London and an uneducated man scowls or wolf-whistles at me, I immediately feel unattractive and then the pashmina no longer adorns the neck but rather comes down to assert the modesty of my body by serving as a shawl to cover my flesh.

When I was young, my lack of educational completion meant that I would have felt complimented by such behaviour but as have I matured  in knowledge of what my physical body has been built for, in understanding of how my body is not just a standalone object but is in fact connected to my mind, my spirit and my soul (all of which are far more important than the aging shell they dwell in), and as I have grown into the young woman I am today, I have become more secure in myself, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually also. So now such basic animalistic acts no longer do what they used to, but repel me from the perpetrators and reinforce the need for me to live a life covered more than the normal girl down the street. I figure that I haven’t become comfortable in myself for anyone to take it away from me. But I have the privilege of being surrounded mostly by educated men, both in all my circles and in general society and for this I am thankful because after being in Morocco for a week, where I got heckled by ½ the single men, I have resolved that if I ever live in a place where lack of education was so rife, I would cover up permanently too.

For God!

But people aside, if I am ever asked why I wore and why I think some women choose to wear the headscarf, I will give the only true answer to the question. Those who choose it for themselves, do it for God alone.

I do not think that a piece of ‘cloth’ is enough to simmer down a man’s attraction to a woman, and therefore I do not subscribe to the consequent view that the burden falls on a woman to ensure she covers up so that men do not lust after her (even though to an extent it does help-as in, not being almost naked in a bare excuse for clothes). A woman cannot be blamed for misconduct if she wears clothes considered normal by societal standard and the man cannot be portrayed as a helpless victim who is unable to restrain his inflamed desires. I also do not think that a covering protects a woman from being raped, sexually harassed or objectified. When it is presented ONLY this way, purely as a means of ‘protecting one’s sexuality’ and ‘ensuring order’ it reduces a woman to a piece of meat and thereby justifies the objectification. It is worth noting that any covering as worn by young Muslim women in progressive Arab countries, is never an obstacle or barrier stopping from them falling in love.

If we honestly reflect on the origin and purpose of any form of covering chosen by the women wearing it herself, we will find that it is a powerful symbol of sanctification. In the same way that a Christian girl invites all her non-Christian friends to watch her get baptised (or goes on a night out dressed a little more modestly than her friends which may not be noticed as the world we live in is quite liberal, presenting a VERY (and increasingly) fine line between classy and cheap), and a Catholic girl becomes a nun is the same way a Muslim girl chooses out of her own accord to don the veil. All from entirely different perspectives, all a stance made for God and made to associate oneself with strong belief in and deep relationship with God.

Neither Male nor Female!

I would like to point out here that same applies to men here. I decided to talk about this from a woman’s perspective because I am a woman. But there are a few things I need to acknowledge that ensures I close this piece in a wholesome manner:

1. The men who wanted to cover me were also in themselves covered, wearing an ankle length dress and having their heads and necks covered also and in the same way Muslim women choose to cover their bodies and their faces, so do men.

2. In my opinion, the female body is more misunderstood then the male body. It is hard for people to reconcile it as an element of God’s creation which has been created first and foremost for His pleasure.

3. I have specifically not addressed enforced covering because I believe people jump on that racially prejudiced bandwagon too quickly and so I do not want to be an active encourager of that. My parents ‘forced’ me to go to church for a while whilst I was a teenager and going through a faith doubting stage of life (until I made it through to a maturity underwriting my own decision to follow Christ), in the same way that some of my friends’ husbands have taken serious objection, aka ‘forced’ them for a while to curb how many nights out they have a week with their girlfriends, certain items of clothing they would wear and communication with men they had a negative relationship with prior to their marriages (until they matured into the understanding that he loves more easily when she chooses to yield to his headship even when she doesn’t always understand it). But that does not give any non-Christians the right to mock you in the process as ‘oppressed’ – or does it?

4. Abuse of the power that headship brings is wrong and unfortunately the answer in such cases when not superseded by domestic violence, perpetual adultery or death is spelled out clearly for us in the following verse….

“Be submissive to every human institution and authority for the sake of the Lord, whether it is to the emperor as supreme, Or to governors as sent by him to bring vengeance (punishment, justice) to those who do wrong and to encourage those who do good service. For it is God’s will and intention that by doing right, [your good and honest lives] should silence (muzzle, gag) the ignorant charges, and ill-informed criticisms of foolish persons. [Live] as free people, [yet] without employing your freedom as a pretext for wickedness; but [live at all times] as servants of God. Show respect for all men [treat them honourably]. Love the brotherhood (the Christian fraternity of which Christ is the Head). Reverence God. Honour the emperor…….. Be submissive to your masters with all [proper] respect, not only to those who are kind and considerate and reasonable, but also to those who are surly (overbearing, unjust, and crooked). For one is regarded favourably (is approved, acceptable, and thankworthy) if, as in the sight of God, he endures the pain of unjust suffering. [After all] what kind of glory [is there in it] if, when you do wrong and are punished for it, you take it patiently? But if you bear patiently with suffering [which results] when you do right and that is undeserved, it is acceptable and pleasing to God. For even to this were you called [it is inseparable from your vocation]. For Christ also suffered for you, leaving you [His personal] example, so that you should follow in His footsteps. He was guilty of no sin, neither was deceit (guile) ever found on His lips. When He was reviled and insulted, He did not revile or offer insult in return; [when] He was abused and suffered, He made no threats [of vengeance]; but he trusted [Himself and everything] to Him Who judges fairly. He personally bore our sins in His [own] body on the tree [as on an altar and offered Himself on it], that we might die (cease to exist) to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed” – 1 Peter 2:13-24 (Amp)

5. Women also have a right (if their lives portray integrity strong enough to hold the weight of their request), to make corresponding demands on men.

Don’t, by the way, read too much into the differences here between men and women. Neither man nor woman can go it alone or claim priority. Man was created first, as a beautiful shining reflection of God—that is true. But the head on a woman’s body clearly outshines in beauty the head of her “head,” her husband. The first woman came from man, true—but ever since then, every man comes from a woman! And since virtually everything comes from God anyway, let’s quit going through these “who’s first” routines. 1 Corinthians 11:10-15 (Msg)

6. My heart is to provoke you into thought! This post is not sexist in any way shape or form.

Stay Fabulous

One Love

Bella.x

In The Beginning……

During my childhood I grew up not ever having been introduced to dress as an expression of one’s state of mind and heart. I was a child in Nigeria where clothes were functional, intended to hide ones nakedness and most attempts by my elder sisters to express their teenage angst through style were met with immediate disdain and a certain order to change clothes, cover up and be modest. Other inhibiting rules applied, such as covering ones hair in church and never wearing trousers as a woman. Accessories, long hair, jewellery, long or painted nails, high heeled shoes…..you name it; they were all satanic expressions of the ‘world’ (as it was referred to back then-everything outside of acceptance by the church and misunderstood by hardcore Christians).

Coz I’m Just a Teenage Dirt-bag…..Maybe!

Evidently this took its’ toll on me. So when I arrived in the UK a pre-teen to see girls of my age converting their school uniforms into seduce-machine outfits, I was adequately shocked. The skirts just about covered the buttocks and couldn’t even be bent over in (as when this occurred white panties would often be in full view); the shirts were fitted and during sunny break times outdoors, tucked into the bottom of what probably was their first bra, exposing their midriffs in order to gain some colour. Said shirts also unbuttoned far down enough to reveal the bra and their emerging boobs, shirts begrudgingly pulled back down when it was time to go back to class. Not forgetting the girls wore no tights and at the end of perfectly toned legs, were heels that gradually became higher the older we got until at sixteen; stilettos were the only shoe of choice.

The hair was long and wavy, the eyebrows plucked, the lips plumped and the make-up and jewellery adorned their faces. Topping up on the lippy between lines of The History of communist China went hand in hand; and the conversation was nearly always about boys, sexual encounters and conquests, drunken nights out where drug taking was commonplace, boasting at how one avoided being caught by one’s parents and any other teenage gossip; notes were passed around by the ignorant few asking what the vulgar terms used by the slutty masses were in order not to seem as ignorant and inexperienced as one actually was. And this was my school, an excellent, high achieving school full of upper-middle class children who pretty much all went on to further and then higher education.

I never really knew how I fitted into this and my honest confession is that in a bid to find out, I did a stint in every clique. I was a chav (townie/ ned/ scaly) for a while, then a mosher (emo/ skater-chic/ Avril Lavigne wannabe) and then a trendy (none of the above/ Topshop)! I went to those parties, hung out in parks and in the street outside house parties drinking myself into an unspeakable state more times than I care to even think about and doing drugs albeit less frequently than I did the booze! I snuck out God knows how many times and tried to convince myself that my parents had no clue what I was doing-how stupid I was! I was the girl from Africa, one of the few ethnic students who allowed the local kids to tell me who I was, was not OK, unaccepted and mercilessly devoted to being accepted by the same people who are now in lower social classes than their parents were at their age! Safe to say-I don’t know much now, but back then I knew less than nothing. If wisdom was a currency, I was dead in the red, overdrawn more than I was when I left university almost £40,000 debt.

Voulez Vous Couchez Avec Moi Ce Soir?!?!?!

I ended up consumed with the mentality that when I hit the clubs with my girlfriends (which we started to do at fourteen), I had to look something like this!

Keys: Check

Card: Check

Scarf: Check

Lippy: Check

Jacket: Check

Phone: Check

Blusher: Check

Eyeliner: Check

Cigarettes: Check

Digital Camera: Check

And this was my list, all firmly stuffed into my oversized designer clutch-and it was off to town with a few bevvies (slang for ‘beverages’ of the alcoholic variety) down me I went, for what I knew would be a great night that would permit me to head straight to the top of the gossip list at school. Even if only for a week, it would bide me enough time to come up with some new antics. Every week was a popularity struggle and popularity was a drug. I was addicted and was prepared to do almost anything to get my fix!

So there I was, in the clubs up to four nights a week, with my 5” heels, flawless make-up, fake eyelashes, eye catching accessories wearing an outfit designed to shock and awe on every occasion, synch in the waist, accentuate all the wrong assets and draw maximum attention. Not to mention the expensive jewellery, perfume and smoky-eyes made up look perfected to make all men in the vicinity swoon towards me offering to buy me and all my friends a drink, having no clue exactly how underage I was. Little Bella was all grown up, a child in a woman’s body, a kid playing an adult’s game, a force to be reckoned with and a far cry from the same innocent and modest girl that had arrived in the UK from Nigeria a few years back. I had mastered the art of many persons. I was the homely Christian teen who attended church, the school girl trying to fit in, the naive girl working in the bakery and the wild child out on the lash BUT…………..I was the unhappiest teen I know, so something had to give!

I to the Izzy, B to the Bella!

To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet – Charles Caleb Colton

I came across this quote recently and to be honest, it sums up the state of my mind at that time where I was being pulled apart by all my personalities, by everything I was trying to be, for everyone. Never have I read a truer quote and whenever I read it, my heart skips a beat.

After many years of unsettledness and profound unhappiness, I decided that I had to change and so my journey began by ditching the horrible nickname of ‘Izzy’ I had earned in school. For years it had never been a cause for concern but all of a sudden being associated with two very unsavoury home-wrecking women from the two most popular soap operas on TV began to take its toll. It would be a long time before people stopped calling me that but I was intent on gathering all my parts from all the places I’d left them, to put them back together under a very large covering. This was me, beginning to understand the relationship between modesty and who God wanted me to be. And sure enough, my first pit stop was the bible. And this was what I found……

“[I desire] that women should adorn themselves modestly and appropriately and sensibly in seemly apparel, not with [elaborate] hair arrangement or gold or pearls or expensive clothing, But by doing good deeds (deeds in themselves good and for the good and advantage of those contacted by them), as befits women who profess reverential fear for and devotion to God” 1 Timothy 2:9-10

And any woman who [publicly] prays or prophesies (teaches, refutes, reproves, admonishes, or comforts) when she is bareheaded dishonours her head (her husband); it is the same as [if her head were] shaved. For if a woman will not wear [a head] covering, then she should cut off her hair too; but if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her head shorn or shaven, let her cover [her head]………Therefore she should [be subject to his authority and should] have a covering on her head [as a token, a symbol, of her submission to authority, that she may show reverence as do] the angels [and not displease them].Nevertheless, in [the plan of] the Lord and from His point of view woman is not apart from and independent of man, nor is man aloof from and independent of woman;For as woman was made from man, even so man is also born of woman; and all [whether male or female go forth] from God [as their Author] – 1 Corinthians 11:5-6, 10-12

Conundrum?

Knowing the controversy surrounding these verses and the chapters they are taken from, I decided to look very carefully at the context and found that Paul wrote the book of Timothy to encourage Timothy on his own ministry. Paul had planted the Ephesus church himself putting over three years of his blood and tears in to the effort (Acts 19:10; 20:31) and he describes his being pleased with Timothy’s work pastoring in the Ephesus Church. Paul writes him to tell him to stay there despite being sometimes discouraged (as I can imagine all young pastors feel at times) and continue his good work there. This is most likely a letter written in Paul’s late life and can be seen as being among his departing advice to his former student who has risen up in the ranks of church leadership himself. As Paul becomes more aware of his impending end, soon to be at the hands of Nero, he is setting things in order for the next generation. Paul’s letter to the Corinthian church echoes much of the same warnings and this is not surprising, the two cities were close together, separated only be a small section of the Mediterranean Sea. According to scholars, it is likely that it was written during Paul’s extended stay in Ephesus, where he refers to sending Timothy to them (Acts 19:22, I Cor. 4:17).

Now the church was located in Ephesus, near the mouth of the Cayster River only three miles from the coast. It became the capitol of Asia Minor, was connected by highways with the interior of Asia and all her chief cities, and became a great commercial centre. The emperor had made Ephesus a free city and it was given the political title “Supreme Metropolis of Asia.” The Roman governor of the region lived there, and it was the religious centre for the worship of the fertility goddess known by the Greeks as Artemis and by the Romans as Diana. Corinth was no different. They both had those temples located on the outskirts of the city, the one in Ephesus being known as one of the seven wonders of the ancient world which was renowned across the world as it was known then, as a centre of mystical cult worship.

“The temple was 425 feet long, 220 feet wide, and 60 feet high, with great folding doors and 127 marble pillars, some of them covered with gold. The worship of Diana was ‘religious immorality’ at its worst.” (Wiersbe’s Expository Outlines on the New Testament – Warren W. Wiersbe).

Diana’s temple, present in both cities and considered sacrosanct throughout the Roman world, became the primary banking institution in Asia Minor. The cities were controlled by the educated prostitutes affiliated with Diana worship and part of the cult of Diana was the use of ritual prostitution whereby the devotee became “joined” with the goddess through her priestesses, ensuring her favour throughout the year. This world was also known worldwide for the sacred prostitutes of the Temple of Diana. ALL young virgin girls were required to serve for a certain period of time in the temples as prostitutes before they could be permitted to marry. They included all girls belonging to the families of those who were followers of Jesus. The ancients considered sexual intercourse to be a re-enactment of the fertility cycle in nature, and that such re-enactments pleased the gods. They hoped that by offering up the bodies of all girls in the region, they would be blessed with abundant crops and herds in the coming year. For most of the population, their carnal human nature had no arguments against such “logic,” especially as it satisfied their deepest of lusts.

These were to whom Paul was writing, a world not unlike the one we live in now, morally bankrupt, inundated with perversion, drowning in depravity. I came to the conclusion in knowledge and understanding of the text, pretext and context-that this still very much applied to me!

Take-Off

So first I asked myself who I was. I didn’t know the answer to this so I moved on to my next question which was who I wanted to be. I didn’t have to look far as my heart was then as it is now; full of hope for the future and so this was much easier! On the eve of my 21^st birthday I made a list, of everything I wanted to be and then came the shocking realities that surrounded me. Where I was screamed anarchy at everything my heart deeply desired. I was in a relationship with someone taking me further and further away from all the influences of culture that God has precisely placed me in from the moment of my conception, I was living with a friend who I knew would not go with me where I desired in my heart to go with God and I was in a church that was taking me away from God. Somehow I was becoming this horrible, ugly half baked excuse for a woman, twenty-one years old and dying, far from what my heart wanted and even farther from what my soul needed.

Freedom and reconciliation took time-but started something like this:

“Jesus, I believe that you are in my heart and that my heart wants what your heart wants. Please forgive me for the wrong I can’t seem to stop doing, please teach me to do right and please free me from every place, everything, and everyone that will keep my heart from moving forward towards your heart because my heart wants what your heart wants-Amen.”

FFwd…..

Three years later via a bumpy ride in which God answered that very simple prayer with a vigour that would shake me free from all my oppressions, I had been detangled from all my complicated relational and geographical situations. In the midst of these years, I had my mouth seriously dealt with and learned my most valuable personal lessons……

That covering up had to start from my mind, through my tongue-it simply had to be still and stop wagging. I also had to learn (somewhat the hard way) that a woman’s beauty is in her gracefulness, that I did not need to fight everyone about everything. I learned that I had to stop being seen everywhere, stop being at the top of every party list, stop answering to people too self absorbed to have my best interests at heart, stop putting everything I was on show, stop the public appearances and ultimately, stop undressing my heart and my body.

It took me a while, but in the end I discovered that my absolute glory was in my tongue being bridled into edifying as its sole priority, in my heart’s modesty, in my mind being subject to a Saviour and in my body being kept pure and holy by covering. This is what inspired me to write this post to challenge popular opinion on the covering as applied by Muslim women all over the world…….

Keep your eyes peeled for the second half to ‘Cover Me-In Front of You’!

Stay Fabulous

One Love

Bella.x